Am I My Résumé

(Your Auntie Michelle may be the only person who gets the reference in the title of this post, and I'm not even sure if she reads this!)

I've been a working mom for about a month now, so I thought it was high time I sit down and reflect on this transition and what it has meant to me. I thought this reflection would lead to all sorts of existential questions on how to balance my different roles and whether I'm investing enough of myself in each of the various hats I wear in my career, but instead, it led me to several epiphanies about what sort of mom I am.

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I am far more crunchy granola than I ever imagined.

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I've always heard that we start to recognize our parents in ourselves more and more as we age. I knew this would be true of your Daideo, but I didn't realize how much I was like your Mimi until I had you. I make all of your baby food, I love babywearing, and breastfeeding is a freeking cause for crying out loud. I find myself attracted to products from ethical companies who promote sustainability and help local artisans and produce a negative carbon footprint and what not.

My health geek status has hyperbolized.

Kind of piggybacking on that last one, I think I just want to set a good example for you. If I'm eating right and exercising, I hope you'll mirror what you see. Besides, my mason jar of kale smoothie allows me to pack in an excessive amount of nutrients in such an efficient manner, only a mom would appreciate it.

My germaphobe status has disappeared.

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At first glance, this seems to contradict my previous statement about health, but that's actually not true. Chelsea has stuck her tongue in your mouth since your first day home, and I decided early on I just wasn't going to stress out about it. I try to make people wash their hands and take off their shoes before they hold you, but sometimes I forget. After all, your great-grandmommy always said, "You'll eat a bag of dirt before you die." Some exposure to germs is good for you! I did, however, strictly enforce boosters for close family members when you were a new baby. Vaccinations are a different story.

I'm more vain than I thought I was.

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Maybe it's because I spent the past six months in yoga pants. Maybe it's because I don't like how "mom" and "woman" can feel mutually exclusive at times. But I wear makeup every day now, and I actually put some thought into getting dressed in the morning. It makes me feel good when people say I don't look like I just had a baby or say something like, "Oh but you can't tell you're that tired!" I've decided that I'm okay with that. You don't need makeup to be pretty. You're beautiful inside and out just the way you are, because God designed each of us a certain way for a reason. But if you decide that you like wearing makeup, that's okay. If you decide that you don't like to wear makeup, that's okay too.

I am the queen of multitasking.

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I suppose I've always been okay with time management, but lately that skill seems to be heightened to the level of superpower. I consistently have no less than twelve things on my mind, and somehow, most of it actually gets done. Unfortunately, though, this process isn't perfect because...

...wait, what was I talking about?

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When I teach my patients about attention, I describe it as a finite reserve, like a bank. You can withdraw and withdraw, but eventually you're going to hit the bottom and something will give. Between sleep deprivation and a serious case of divided attention, I'm quickly learning that "mommy brain" is a very real thing that definitely applies to me. With this humbling lesson, however, I'm actually gaining a sense of flexibility. I've learned that as long as you're fed, everything else will work out. Or if it doesn't, the world still won't end. When we leave for school in the morning, as long as you have bottles and I have my pump, we'll all be okay. Bonus points if I remembered to put on deodorant.

I'm incredibly proud of what I do for a living.

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I love my job. I really do. My passion for my practice has only grown since I earned my board certification, and now I feel especially proud of it knowing that I'm setting an example for you. I hope you enjoy science as much as I do. I hope you enjoy helping people as much as I do. But most of all, I hope you're as happy with your job as I am.

So who am I, anyway? Am I my résumé? Well, yeah. I guess. But I'm a lot of other things, too, apparently. And I think that's the definition of becoming a mom: becoming a million more things all rolled into one. We're never giving up roles, only adding them on.