Wednesday, April 23, 2014

One Year Ago Today

{May 3, 2013: 4W}

There you were. Just a cluster of cells. A flick of star stuff. But you were there.

I woke up on the morning of Tuesday, April 23, 2013 feeling a little odd. It didn't feel like I was getting sick; I had a strange collection of symptoms that I had never experienced before. I dragged all day at work. I remember just having absolutely no energy. The occasional belly pains were the weirdest part; they were so foreign, so unfamiliar. (It turns out that my body was busy moving around to make room for you.) The thought of pregnancy entered my mind, but I was dubious. If I was pregnant, I'd be doubled over a toilet puking somewhere, not feeling like this.

I remember texting your daddy joking about how I might be pregnant. Neither of us really believed that it was a possibility. After work, we ate dinner together. I remember having very little appetite. I wasn't nauseous, just not hungry. After dinner, I took a pregnancy test that I had just lying around. I took it more so to rule out one possible diagnosis. I didn't even consider that it may be positive. We had just started wishing for you; there was no way our prayers could be answered so quickly! I thought about running to grab your daddy as I waited for the results, but I didn't have a chance. Those lines appeared so fast, and instantly my world changed.

I yelled for your daddy: "I just took a pregnancy test and it's positive!" We held each other and laughed and smiled so big that tears rolled down our cheeks. Then he asked, "Are you sure?" The second test indicated the same results.

We went to bed that night with many questions circling through our minds. What will we name you? Who will you be? Who will we be as parents? Have I done anything to screw this up yet? It was hard to sleep, and even harder to think about anything else.

The next day, I had to go to work and pretend that nothing had changed. I actually had to stay late that day for CPR recertification. The dummies had become so desensitized from overuse that my friend Amy and I had to jump on their chests for the computer to register compressions! I thought I was going to throw up. Afterwards, we went out for Mexican with Dan, Caroline, and Stephen. I thought for sure I had given myself away when I skipped the margarita. All of these friends got a kick out of this story when we shared our secret later. Within a month, everyone important to us knew.

More change has occurred in our family in this last year than I ever thought possible. At first, you were difficult to take seriously. How could you be real? You were just a hope, an idea. Besides, my pants still fit. Over time, though, it became obvious that you were growing. Eventually, you even looked like a person...

{July 15, 2013: 14W3D} 

...right down to your little toes.

{July 15, 2013: 14W3D}  

Not only did you become a person, you became you. During your final ultrasound, we really got to see your face, with features that I now lovingly recognize.

{December 3, 2013: 36W4D} 

{December 3, 2013: 36W4D} 
{December 20, 2013: your birthday}

Over the last year, the simple became more complicated. The difficult became automatic. The impossible became effortless. The good became indescribably better. You've created new identities for us in the form of our most important roles: your parents. We loved you so much then, but nothing could prepare us for how much we love you now. Thank you for changing our lives forever.

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